Breakaway
by Butterflysparkle97
Summary: After singing her divorce papers, Jo finally opens up to Alex about what she went through while she was with Paul. (Rated M for mentions of Domestic Violence) (one shot)


**Title:** Breakaway

 **Plot:** After singing her divorce papers, Jo finally opens up to Alex about what she went through while she was with Paul.

 **Hey everyone! So this was an idea that I had after watching 14x09. We've never seen Jo explain to Alex exactly what she went through while she was with Paul, so I decided to write what I think might happen.**

 **Som lines from this chapter came from song lyrics of the following songs:**

 **Clean getaway**

 **White horse**

 **I hope that you all enjoy this one shot, and please leave me a review!**

 **Sending you all much love and happiness!**

 **Butterflysparkle97**

She was Exhausted, tried, worn out, fried, shattered, frazzled, buggered, and whipped out... after the day that she had, there was no one word that described the way Jo felt as she and Alex walked through the doors of the loft. Alex flicked on the lights and the loft became brightly illuminated. Without hesitation, as soon as they were both inside, he promptly locks the door.

Alex watches Jo as she walks over to, and sits on the top end of the bed. She cradled her head in her hands. Alex had tried to make conversation with Jo on the way home, but every time he opened his mouth he felt it closing again with no words coming out. What could he possibly say to her that would make this entire situation better? It was non existent, there wasn't a word out there yet that could do what he wanted it to.

His inability to speak meant that he stayed silent, although he was fairly certain that the way he was looking at her said more then any word ever could. Alex lets out a deep sigh and walks over to Jo. He proceeds to slowly sit down next to her and he moves his right arm over her left shoulder to symbolise his support and provide comfort for her.

Alex could hear Jo breath heavily for a moment before letting out a long and deep sigh. He could hear the weight in her voice and it tore his heart to a million tiny shards. She turns and looks up at Alex, her eyes filled with hopelessness.

"I...I," She chokes. Jo's eyes began to fill with tears and watching them roll down her cheeks made Alex's heart break so much more. There was just so much that she wanted to tell him, but yet the words didn't seem to want to be spoken.

Jo always knew that talking to Alex about her past with Paul was going to be the hardest. Telling Jenny, that was easy. But telling Alex the specifics of her relationship with Paul was hard because he loved her. Telling him what happened to her would break his heart over and over again and the pain of reliving the moments while telling Alex made Jo feel sick to her stomach. Even though she was now divorced, telling Alex what she had gone through was something that she knew that she had to do in order to truly put the past in the past.

"Shh, it's okay. You don't have to speak," Alex replies softly. Jo leans her head against his shoulder and closes her eyes. The instant feeling of safety and security when she did was a welcome change and it put her mind somewhat to ease. She was so lucky that Alex always made her feel safe, and at this devastating low point in her life it was the one thing that she craved more then anything else in the world.

It was a further 30 minutes before Jo was finally able to speak, "I thought he was my knight in shining armour. I'd had such a horrible life and I thought he was going to save me. I thought I was a princess living in a fairytale. That's how he made me feel at first. But I wasn't a princess, and it wasn't a fairytale. It was hell," She admits painfully. "I was 18 years old when I met him. I was his student and we fell in love… Or what I thought was love…." she trails off, "We were married by the time I was 19….. It all seems so stupid and fast now, but when you're 19 you don't think about stupid and fast. 6 months after we got married there was a dinner party with his colleagues. I talked too much to the man sitting next to me and Paul said that I made a fool out of him. I laughed because it seemed so... I laughed," Jo admits. She swallowed hard before continuing, "And his eyes went dark, and that's the last thing that I remember before waking up the next morning with my eye swollen shut," she replies emotionally.

Alex could hear the venerability in her voice, but he could also hear her strength and her courage.

Jo could feel herself beginning to become emotional and she breaths in and out in order to compose herself and calm herself down.

"I thought it would be the only time. But he just got smarter after that. He made sure that no one could see the bruises. He would apologise and then tell me it was my fault all in one breath, and he was so persuasive. I believed him every single time. I was naive and I got lost in his eyes… I never really had a chance. He told me I was wrong so many times that I believed I was wrong. He told me I was crazy so many times that I believed that I actually was crazy. His words were like knives that he used against me and every time he spoke to me it was like he was throwing another one right into my back."

Alex could hear that her breathing was becoming laboured and heavy so he begins to rub her back to calm her down, "Jo, it's okay. You are safe here. Take some deep breaths with me," Alex instructs. Jo nods her head and begins to mimic his breathing.

"It took me a long time to realise that this wasn't how you treat someone that you love. I'd never had a second of anything real in my life… My whole life had been volatile, I didn't know any different, so I stayed," She admits painfully. She looks down at the bed with the shame overriding her body.

"No, don't do this to yourself Jo, don't beat yourself up over it. It is not your fault," Alex says sternly as she continues to look down. "Jo, do you hear me? It is not your fault," He says again. she looks up at him a gives him a small smile while a tear rolled down the side of her right cheek.

Deep down Jo knew that Alex was right, she shouldn't hold herself accountable for the action's of somebody else. But it was so hard to believe that while she was reliving those moments all over again.

"At first it was over the big things but then it started to happen with the smaller things, like buying the wrong laundry powder or the wrong toothbrush. But I was convinced that he would change. This wasn't the man that I had married. The man I married was a gentle, nurturing and selfless man who'd do anything to help out those in need. So I looked the other way and pretend that it didn't happen. After all, it was just a phase right? Like a mid life crisis? Because there was no way such a loving man could turn into this evil monster. But the more I denied It… the more I told myself that It wasn't true…. that this wasn't him… the… the worse things got. Paul controlled my life and everyday I lived it in constant fear..." Jo breaks down and begins to cry even harder, "in constant fear that the next thing that I did wrong would be thing that would end my life." She burrows her head into Alex's chest and let the tears roll down her face like raindrops falling from the sky.

After the events of today, Alex had thought he'd seen Jo at her lowest... at the point where she couldn't fall any further, but right now it was very clear to him that she still had a lot further she needed to fall before she could begin to pick up her life and move on from the past that still haunted her.

Once again Alex could feel his mouth beginning to open up, but closing again with no words making their way to the surface. Instead he held her tightly and cradled her in his arms. He rocked her back and forth for ten minutes before she calmed down. She takes some deep breaths in and out.

"Jo, if it's too hard... you don't have to tell me what you went through," Alex

Jo shakes her head slowly, "no, I...I need to. I won't be able to move on until I do," she admits.

Alex knew exactly what she meant and he nods his head supportively, "take your time."

"The last time he beat me I was 22 years old... I woke up to him kicking me in the back because he'd read my e-mails and saw the name of a man that he didn't recognise. He kicked me so hard that he broke my ribs and almost ruptured my kidney. That's when I knew I couldn't just sit there and let it happen anymore. That was when I knew that I deserved better then this, that I deserved to have real love in my life. When I was released from the hospital he took me home. Somehow I managed to withdraw a lot of money from his account and that night when he was asleep I fled. I didn't know where to go, or what to do, I just knew that I had to get out otherwise I wasn't going to have a life to live," She admits. She swallows hard once again.

"Working up the courage to leave isn't easy. You should be proud of yourself for recognising that you had to get out," Alex commends.

"After I left him I was a mess. I had no place to go. I had this giant suitcase of baggage with me and after a few months of dragging it along with me it became apparent that I wasn't going to be able to do it forever. He was somewhat in the past and I just had to keep moving forward. I sought counselling. I was a mess and on every single medication there was. He wasn't physically in my life anymore but he was still winning…. The emotional scars had taken over my life, and therapy began to heal those scars. When I came to Grey- Sloan I was a bright, bubbly and still slightly broken 25 year old. But I'd spent the past 3 years in therapy to get to that place... a place where I felt like I was making anew start... I'd finally made it, I'd made a clean getaway , and although you didn't know it, you helped put me back together. You put the final piece into place, and it took him less then five seconds to destroy all of it today. He found a way to open up every single one of my emotional scars and he did it instantly. I feel like that same messed up girl again who's struggling to find anything good out of life," she replies sadly.

Alex looks at Jo and sighs, "Your life will be beautiful again. I know it will," Alex replies sweetly.

"I know what Hell feels like and it's… It's bad… I don't think Hell is the right word to describe Hell… and I don't ever want to go back. It's in my past and I want it to stay that way," Jo pleads.

"You signed the papers Jo, Paul is your ex-husband. You're a survivor. He's in the past now and I am your future. And do you know what I can see?" He asks curiously.

"What can you see?" Jo asks.

"I can see us in a house and sitting on the steps in the back yard. we've been married for 6 years. You're 6 months pregnant and the baby was an accident. We're watching our three kids, our 5 year old boy, Ethan, and our 2 year old twin girls, Laura and Olivia playing in the yard. Ethan is practicing kicking the football, Laura is on the swing set and Olivia is sliding down the slide that's on the wooden fort that I built for them. We're all happy and we're smiling and laughing. That's what I see in our future," Alex grins.

Jo looks at Alex and for the first time that day her eyes filled with hope and a smile spreads across her face, "I like that. I like that a lot. Our future seems so happy and bright and I need that."

"Hold onto that, because it's not going to fade," Alex smiles. Jo gives a little chuckle and leans into him. He wraps his arms around her waist and she closes her eyes.

 _ **Just Because your past didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, doesn't mean that your future can't be better then you ever imagined.**_

 _ **-unknown**_ __


End file.
